Full of Atoms

I see you. He leans out from behind the chair. Makes a face. A loud face. I see you. I hide. He hides. Do I have to see you? Do we have to talk? Do we have to do this thing? Now? Here? I just…
Look, truth be told, I’m just not really into you. She said that. She says that. Over and over and over. Doesn’t make it any less hot. Doesn’t make me want her less. Skin, grace, poise, aura – aura. Energy. Playful. She’s playful. That’s why I can hide. Right? She likes it when he hides. I hide.
So.
Yeah. I see you. He leans out, tickles you. He tickles you. Aren’t you ticklish? I tickle you now. Respond. React. Hello? Give me that, something. Give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me. Can it be taken? Or must it be given? If it belongs to you in the first place, it only makes sense that you should be able to…
ONE should be able to take it back.
Take it back suggests it was yours – ones – to begin with.
Would one care for it back?
He hides behind the chair. What if I don’t want to give it back?
You can’t see me.
Audience. Yes, I know who you are. Exactly who you are. Does that scare you? Does it unnerve you, frighten you, send a chill down your spine?
It. You. It. I know who it. You. It. Are. Is.
There’s a machine in the desert – you’ll know about this – one should know about this – a machine that throws atoms together at incredible speeds so we can see what happens. I’m sure there’s more of a point to it, but primarily, we just want to see what happens. And there was a scare the other day because they thought there would be a black hole created and we all know what black holes do. They do what empty does.
Empty is hungry; hungry eats.
It eats and eats and eats and draws everything into itself until
Nothing is left. Until one is left with a sense of nothing.
But that’s kind of funny, because if a black hole is sucking everything into it, it’s both empty and full. It’s Nothing and Everything. And that’s my point.
What?
The point. Yes.
Everything and nothing. You see? I hide behind the chair – He hides behind the chair. Everything and nothing. You know I’m here, and yet you can’t see me, so I’m not. I’m Schrödinger’s cat. A lead box –
Attractive. She’s very
Soft. Soft skin. Smells delicious.
Tastes better.
A black hole. Empty. Empty pools of darkness.
I see you.
I just can’t get over you. That’s what she says. Everything and nothing.
You don’t think I can
See you.
If I can’t see you, you can’t see me.
I see you, though.
He sees you. He sees the audience.
I smell you. Your scent is latent on his tongue.
You smell delicious and sound devine.
You look…
A lead box. Security. Why get out of the black hole when we can feel safe in what we know?
Risk, danger.
Unexpected joy. Thrill. New things.
A spark. We just have that spark, I guess. Atoms. Atoms dancing with each other to create
What?
Something new. Something empty and yet wholesome.
A world of gaze. Gaze.
Gays
Looking. Looking? I gaze back. Truth and freedom and trust.
Get this thing off me.
No, it is you.
Get it off.
Don’t be silly.
Atoms thrown together. Throw the wrong ones, eat chocolate cake.
Always the same, always different. Think that’s an impossibility? No.
Touch me. Him. You. Touch. Choose. Choose. It’s not audience participation, you don’t have to fear.
It’s a reaction. Just a reaction. Following an impulse. A desire. Desire to do whatever you want to do. Whatever you want to. Not. Whatever I don’t know.
I’m an atom. An atom has an electrical charge. It wants another atom to join it. Live with it. Live in it. Touch now?
Do you ever feel empty? I don’t mean drained. Drained means you had something in you that you don’t have now. Empty. Devoid of everything? As if you never had anything to begin with: As if you’re waiting for something to come and fill you up.
Or not.
Empty chair? What if he sits in it? Filled chair, yes? Yes, he sits in an empty chair, fills it. But no.
No.
NO.
Incorrect. Absurd.
Atoms. Atoms linked together to form air, warmed by his body, knocked, jostled, touched by other atoms. The chair is too full. Too full for a human.
A whole human body.
Can you just touch me? Nothing fancy, just
Trying to remember that I’m here.
The atoms push him off. The chair looks empty. It is full.
It is one of a kind, and yet nothing special.
You’re nothing special. Unless I make you special?
Special atom. The black hole of my dreams. The nightmare I don’t remember having in the dark of night, in the subconscious me. The dead-time between sleep and waking.
The atoms.
The atoms.
Special atoms.
Empty.
Then full.
Dead-time. I touch you. He touches you in reflex. Reacting to –
Sorry? I missed that. What did you say?

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